The Joy Of Trusting Ourselves
It is very easy to run here...
There are trails and tracks stretching onwards, often upwards! Sandy, dusty... Dry stone walls encasing black volcanic fields which flanked us either side... Melons growing, cactus and prickly pear.
I ran a hot twelve miles, the sun blazed stronger today. The cloud cover of the past few days has lifted and Anadi and I ran in silence under its glare...
After four miles or so we started to chat... I love running chats; nothing else but the space between and the step...
The dialogue weaves and twists on an invisible thread, creating new possibilities, ideas... The tapestry being woven as we journey side by side...
I have enjoyed creative dialogue on the run for many years now... The space, the time, no pressure... Often hours and hours ahead to be together and bond in running Philosophique...
As we approached 'home' Anadi pealed off, 'ten miles is just about right for me' he said, and I ran the extra loop past the surfers and a group playing volley ball...
There seems to me nothing more wonderful than eating after exercising... Clean from a shower and hungry for nourishment...
We decided to pop to the restaurant next door, that offers brunch from 11am... We sat relaxing and relishing every mouthful; appreciating the bright coloured beetroot, carrot, celery and ginger juice, and I was taken back to over thirty years ago...
I was trapped in the grips of an eating disorder then, that I felt was the representation of the dark within me, that covered and stifled my light, my joy, my essence...
My prayer was this... 'Please God heal me, take this from me, and I promise I will want nothing more in my life ever...'
Of course I had to heal myself, I had to delve into the darkness and heal the wound, and answer my own prayer...
This I did over the years... I also recognised that there is nothing more in life, than to be free of tension and self hatred within...
I knew somehow that in deeply exploring my obsession, the freedom at a more profound level would come, taking away the 'wanting' from my life, and in its place allowing a full appreciation of being here, now... And of eating delicious food without tension!
The gift that came from experiencing the eating issues to the degree I did, was that it allowed me to work with young women struggling with the same manifestation of their inner pain and struggle... And working with them in a way I may not have been able to without the experience first hand...
The joy of trusting myself and knowing that I can look after myself, has remained...