Julia's Gone Running - Day Fifty Nine

Ingeniously Weave Every Step Of Your Destiny...

I had an idea today that we would run along the beach for as long as we wanted before breakfast...

My 'morning training vision' was thwarted when we discovered that the sea was right up to the top of the beach, lapping at the wall below us.

It looked very lovely, but not runnable along... Inviting to swim in though, my plan for later...!

I spotted a little beach swimming distance away where I intend to do my 'Drills and leaping and bounding routine' later on...

It doesn't seem that the tide really goes out until it is dark...

I have just announced to Anadi that I am going to get up really early tomorrow to see if it is out then... Is he up for that? :)

So instead of running on 'our' beach this morning, we ran up, up, up the hill out of where we are staying and through the trees until we found another beach with very deep sinky into sand indeed....!

We ran, and walked the bits when it got very hard; and then returned by the road again after forty five minutes of running about, feeling good and feeling exercised and ready for the amazing breakfast that is served here...!

I filled my plate with tropical fruits and ordered my omelette from the omelette chef, who makes very delicious ones in about one minute!

And as Anadi and I settled into our new environment, I reflected on how much I have 'let go' over the years... I was a 'routine person' in the past and I liked my rhythms and my plans...

It made me feel 'safe'... Which I knew to be a chimera, but none the less I clung to these false safety's for awhile, until 'being thrown out' by travel to international races abroad; and by my choice of profession 'personal training' back then, which meant I had no routine to speak of... I worked to clear the need for these 'known things' which were at odds with my freedom of spirit that wanted to fly free and embrace the moment, the day, the new, the road less travelled....

And now it is evident that I test this to the max... New homes, new running routes, or no running route like today! Different weather and time zones, all of which allow me see if anything comes up that points to where I have not let go, to any place where I am not free...

I was talking with Anadi yesterday about how when we were on Phi Phi island, which was days away from marking the tenth anniversary of the Tsunami, I imagined what it might have been like to see that huge wall of water coming in, and to know that there was no escape...

I accessed the fear that arose in me, and I let it go; then I imagined being able to let go to death, and found the part in me that fought in fear for my life when there was no way it was possible to still have it...

I like to do this on occasions to see where I have not accepted that one day I will die; because to fully live this earthly life, accepting this truth, allows us to really and truly live here, now in this body and to fully experience all the amazing fun, the challenges, the growth, the friendships, the love, all the relating with one another while we are here.

I do this because I would like to find out what living without fear is really like, what limitless possibilities will arise in that space where fear has been...

I love and aspire to the verse in John's Gospel in the bible... 'There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear'

Relationship is the place we see our fear of separation and where we so often close our heart in the mirror of another's fear...

I have booked myself in for a massage a day while we are here; And today I also treated Anadi (he is not quite so keen on massages as me! But loved the experience today).

We were lying side by side, the lady who said I was beautiful yesterday was massaging Anadi. At one point she was massaging his right arm and started to massage my left arm at the same time; she then joined our hands together and said 'Happy massage'...

And so we lay there in the sun, hand in hand on a massage mat on an island in Thailand, and I reflected on how relationship is a mirror for any place where we are separated from ourselves and do not perfectly love ourselves. I thought about how if relationship is a mirror, intimacy is a magnifying glass that shows us where our love for ourselves is not perfect, is not free of fear. It shows us where we close down seeking to keep safe, when the very act of closing means we take ourselves further away from true safety and freedom within...

Anadi and I share together what is going on inside ourselves. We endeavour to keep the space between us safe by sharing our feelings, our fears, our processes; whilst recognising that we can only clear our own fear and support the other in doing the same. We see that our love for each other deepens as we clear and love ourselves more!

It has been established that my strange bite on my arm is a spider bite!! Yikes!

I therefore was moved to look up what spider animal totem is about...!

The spider is a remarkable figure of feminine energy and creativity in the spirit animal kingdom. Spiders are characterised by the skilled weaving of intricate webs and patience in awaiting their prey. By affinity with the spider spirit animal, you may have qualities of high receptivity and creativity. Having the spider as a totem helps you tune into life’s ebbs and flows and ingeniously weave every step of your destiny...