'To Thine Own Self Be True...'
Just as we were coming into land at Heathrow yesterday, the lights of London twinkling below us, Mary - who had looked after us so well on the flight, bringing us water and cranberry juice and helping me find good space to stretch - came up to Anadi and I with two Little bottles of champagne... 'Pop these in your bag' she said, 'you have been such nice passengers...'
It felt a bit like winning an award 'the BA nice passenger award' for good behaviour on a thirteen hour flight! Instead of being put on the naughty step for laughing a lot with my new friends John and Arran at the back of the plane, I was instead being celebrated...
This shows me how far I have come!
My energy celebrated instead of shushed!
I remember a pivotal point in a session with Ros, my therapist and supervisor. Over many years I had been used to being 'told off' as a child, and I had internalised a lot of the 'I'm wrong' belief - which far too many of us do!
Ros encouraged me to notice the effect of my energy on others, to see that it impacted positively; that it was enjoyed and valued.
Things started to shift once I truly acknowledged my energy in an affirmative way to myself... And now I am awarded champagne... for being me!
It is all that is required while we are here, that we be ourselves... 'To thine own self be true'...
We are staying for three days at Buxted Park Hotel... In 1988 I arrived here to work. I was 29 years old, and I had come to set up the fitness centre. I was a personal trainer then and as my work developed, evolved and deepened, I continued to meet my clients here until I left the area to live in Eastbourne in 2003...
I have many happy memories of the years Buxted Park Hotel was my 'home' - with my ever changing personal life, and the constant moving to new accommodation, which I seemed to do almost every year, Buxted Park was my constant. I ran in the beautiful grounds, I met my clients in its splendid rooms. I knew and loved the energy of the building and I was at ease in myself within the safety of its embrace...
I celebrated on the morning of my 30th birthday by drinking champagne here in the jacuzzi with my dear friend and 'twin' Sheila; we share the same May 12th birthday date.
In the evening I was dancing on the table and eating the birthday cake that my wonderful sister Rosy had brought for me...As I was dancing Sheila appeared at the door having been dining in the restaurant upstairs with her husband....
'Come and dance' I called. Sheila joined me on the table and we danced with abandon... At one point her husband appeared in the doorway and gave her 'the look', she hesitated and nearly got down from our 'table dance'... 'Stay, stay' I called out, laughing above the music. She hesitated some more, but then she danced on and her lovely husband Terry smiled resignedly.
He knew when Sheila and her 'mad friend' ,as he called me, were together that 'dancing on tables' was likely to happen...
And now I am back, enjoying the familiar surroundings, the beauty I remember so well. I have a slight feeling of living in a dream, which may also be due to the jet lag that I deny exists!
Today Anadi and I were returning from the fitness room at the bottom of the hotel, situated on its lowest floor; from the ninth floor of a Bangkok hotel, to a basement in Sussex, the running steps continue... And we met Rob in the reception area, he is the property manager now. In 1988 he was starting his career working for the head gardener Frank... He has held other positions in other employ, but Buxted beckoned him back....
It was very good to see him...
Whilst in our training room today, Anadi also practiced his handstands... They are not far off true balance; he is a few more practices away from perfect...
I also received an email with a photo from the young woman in the pool. The one whose tranquil swim we interrupted with our handstand practice...
We bumped into her and her sister on our flight to Bangkok. We discovered their names - Sarah and Charlotte...
It would appear the practice of 'handstand practice' is spreading - and is uniting us all....
This is a line from Sarah's email...
'We are still practicing our hand stands and are going to move on to trying it out in the sea' :)
