My Heart And My Inner Voice Are My Best Guides....
I am sitting alone in the Coat of Arms room waiting for Amy.
Today I have driven to Portsmouth and back to have brunch with my sister Rosy.
It was a bit of a challenge to actually get out of Buxted as a road was closed due to it having collapsed because of ice! There were many people traversing the back lanes... Changes on the road are part of life though; it is how we adapt to them, how we adjust to going in a different direction - to the one we imagined - that can make the difference to whether our life feels happy or unhappy.
I think of happiness is a verb rather than a feeling. It is the ability to recognize when tension and distress arise and be prepared to welcome it to clear it; rather than sinking into the state of upset. this way even a change in our plans can be an adventure rather than something we deemed to have gone wrong…
I texted Rosy to let her know I hadn’t quite got the racing start I had anticipated, but in the end I was only a little bit behind my original ‘estimated arrival time.’ We had a wonderful morning together; the time went far too fast; however she did say that since I have become a nomad, she thinks she is seeing more of me because I am making certain to plan it in!
We talked animatedly about both our sports, Rosy is a really good rower, we explored the goals and destinations we would like to journey towards… We have even mooted the idea of me running alongside Rosy as she rows a race; we decided that will practice in Exeter when we next meet in June, because there is a definite tow path there for me to run along.
We first thought about about this idea a few years ago, even exploring the idea of running and rowing together across Europe...
So much of what I talk about and explore does eventually come to fruition, that I have become very conscious of what I say; and recognize that the phrase ‘be careful what you pray for, you might get it’ has been very relevant for me in my life…!
There was a time when it seemed I only had to write down what I ‘wanted’, to look again at the list some time later and find it was all ‘ticked off'...…
I have shifted to a space of seeing and experiencing that staying connected to my inner voice is a better way for the journey to unfold; because what I ‘wanted’ was not always what I needed to grow in spirit… And so even if I ‘got something to happen', there was a stress fracture within this energy which always revealed itself in time…
I have discovered that my heart and my inner voice are the best guides for me and that if I listen and then act from this place, all is well for me and for all concerned…
I love talking to Rosy about her rowing, her passion for the sport; both of us exploring which way we might like to go…
We always meet at this time of year, as January is a really busy work month for Rosy; and so I am part of her February festivities and relaxation. It is also the same week as the anniversary of our Mother’s death... Being with my sister at this time, although not specifically planned for this reason, is very special.
We parted inspired and motivated; we both speak the same language ‘wondering what is possible’, and thinking of any aches and pains in our body as ‘stuff’ to be cleared, rather than a limiting factor for the expression of our passion and our joy; of stretching ourselves to go further than we think we can…
Later…
Amy and I had a very productive ‘business meeting’, which again might have been mistaken for two friends meeting to chat and to laugh, to drink tea and eat biscuits together. We covered alot of ground and Amy and I now know where Anadi and I will be until September…!
Anadi likes 'showing up', and trusts the choices of Amy and I, as long as there is good internet….
I said 'goodbye' to Amy, and then Anadi and I stepped out the beautiful clear night; bitter sweet cold; joyous smells of a frosty winter night in the countryside.
We looked up at the full moon gazing down at us, and I was reminded of us making magic under the full moon in Santonrini when we decided we would be nomads…
We had gone down to the rocks by the sea, and we painted - in blue nail varnish- a tantric symbol that we had designed for ourselves representing the essence of our dreams. We painted it where it could not be seen unless you climbed as we did across the rocks, and around tham to face the ocean. I stripeed my clothes off and Anadi followed, and we cast our magic under the light of the full moon…!
It seems so long ago; and now our full moon dream is our life and we are living it under the snow moon in a February in the bright light cold
And so I see that the magic spell has cast its light through the days and weeks and we are living in their silvery sheen…