My Desire To Run And Be Free...
Last night Anadi and I went ‘stretching’ in Mac’s Gros Islet Fitness Centre’. Zola was on the desk, so we had a chat with her before starting our ‘routine’. We had the gym pretty much to ourselves; except for a couple of ‘regulars’, we nodded and smiled at one another, before Anadi and I proceeded to stand and lie on each other to deepen the stretches…!
The plan was to go for an easy run afterwards; but it seemed I was still feeling the effects of my workout with Rodja that morning… I tried a couple of running steps and ‘body said no’. I didn’t try again, instead we walked for five miles by the sea and along the scrubland… We walked and talked, and appreciated the peace and space and total presence of one another; without our computers and phones… I have never run with a phone...
I started to run alone in the woods near where we lived, from the age of twelve. I had decided I needed ‘extra training’ in the summer months for the ‘Farnham and District Sports’ athletics competition… At fifteen I became keen to run more miles, to get really fast and fit… My plan was to start doing extra running on top of going to the athletics club on a Tuesday evening and Saturday morning. I decided to do it when I got home from school…
It was the winter of 1974.
We lived in a village with no street lights… ‘You’re not going out in the dark darling', my mother cautioned, as I appeared in the kitchen dressed for running on ‘evening one’ of my new regime…
I walked out of the kitchen, through the dining room, along the hall and out of the front door, closing it behind me without a word or backward glance, and headed out for my run; it was so very dark!
I stumbled about our village, doing loops around and about; feeling a little apprehensive both of the next step, and of facing my mother on my return…!
I walked through the door when my run was done; she smiled at me and never said a word…
My daily training practice was in place.
A new plan then arose from this… The ‘getting off the bus five miles from home’ training session - or four if I was feeling less energetic - and leaving my ‘very over full’ school bag with my wonderful ‘Sister 2’, Rosy (I am Sister 1 because I popped out first!) while I raced the bus home… It always won!
When I joined the all boys athletics club, they gave me no concessions and worried not a jot about leaving a fifteen year old girl trailing on the commons and woodland paths that we ran together… I got very fit and very fearless of training with boys; and I became confident of running alone…
This was despite the occasional ‘surprise’ of a man appearing on the path, or out from behind a hedge and ‘exposing himself’!
This happened a few times over the years, but I was never afraid, never told anyone it had happened (I didn’t want to be stopped running!) and I believed myself safe ‘because I could run fast’!
I am not in any way suggesting that this is ‘sensible’ practice! I am simply sharing my story… And demonstrating that my desire to run and to be free meant that I would run through any ‘road blocks’ I encountered… Once this was in the form of a group of youths who covered the whole path as I ran towards them; but they had neglected to reckon with me racing up the bank and dodging them and running by as fast as the wind!
I didn’t see these experiences as a reason for fear, or to stop running or to feel unsafe… From my years of being in the privileged position of listening to the experiences and stories of others, I have seen that the experiences that wound us, and create fear and hesitation are all very different…
This is why getting attached to the story can limit the healing; because the stories feel valid, and therefore can sustain us in believing in our fear and our wound.
My wounds came from other ‘stories’ and in seeing that some experiences had no limiting effect on me, led me to a greater understanding of how to release ourselves from the memories that do limit… and so learn how to be free to experience things as if for the first time, rather than living in fear from the past….
This morning I wondered if ‘body would be willing’ after a nights rest – we jogged up the road through Gros Islet and I knew in ten steps that it was….
We ran a mile to the road that leads to pigeon island. We then ran along this road, with the sea crashing on the rocks beside us, and looped around and back along the beach on the other side of this narrow stretch of land; we then crossed back over the scrubland onto the road again. We looped this loop four times for five miles. We varied the pace and it was fun… ‘I found it hard to keep up with you’ Anadi said… ‘You’ll get very fit ‘I laughed – ‘you have never known me in true training mode…’
And he hasn’t…. When we met, I saw more 3am and 4 am ‘bedtimes’ than I ever have in my life – and I drank more cocktails… And I ran a lot less…
Until now… !
