'You Cannot Fear What You Were Born To Do...'
Last week I more miles in one week than I have done in a very long time; probably the last couple of years, maybe even longer...
I ran around sixty four miles and announced to Anadi today that 'the plan' (he likes joining in with my training!) is that I intend to maintain sixty to seventy miles each week for a few weeks to build up my base fitness again...
I have abandoned 'the writing my training down process' ! - that faded away after two weeks... It seems it is a practice of my past that doesn't appear necessary now...!
But I am enjoying once again creating a 'forward looking flexible plan'! I respond well to having an idea of what I intend to run and a general rhythm and flow to the week...
I know that I respond well to mileage and so mileage I am running...
My inner voice calls me to run and so running I am...
Running is a simple act, and yet it is primal and deep in our psyche, most of us ran as children and our ancestors ran to survive...
However, that said, I recognise that running is my calling and not for everyone!
I get absolutely no calling to ski or paraglide, or do anything much other than run!
So I am really writing about listening to our own inner guidance, to really listening to our inner truth and seeing where it leads us.
I am leading the life I have dreamed of living for many years... In so doing, in shedding my possessions and the things within me that have stopped me living this way to date, I found I was faced with more fears to shed...
And now, there is no turning back; and so another week of running, and another, and another, and another lie ahead of me, there is nothing in my way now...
It is not uncommon to put things in the way of what we truly want, 'things to do', responsibilities, commitments and even nice things, fun things - but they can still be distractions, chimeras from our truth, from the path we would like to journey along.
Only we know whether we are living our own life or that constructed by others, or even parts that are to please or through duty... Or living a life through deep held beliefs that limit... 'It is selfish to do what you want', 'why should I live as I want when others can't', 'life is hard and difficult and earnest and the sooner you realise this the better' (one of my dads favourites!)
Fortunately now, there is more awareness and emphasis on expressing our creativity and on looking to what is possible too, but it is still important that we notice if there is anything holding us back from our full truthful expression of ourselves!
When we all stay connected in each moment to ourselves, when we don't turn away from being seen then we inevitably engage in more authentic dialogue and we abandon scripts and speak our truth instead....
I find that in essence all of my conversations are 'real conversations' - and so I am privileged wherever I am, whether that is in my therapy room (currently Skype on my balcony!) or with Anadi of course, or on a train, a plane, a taxi to hear a persons truthful thoughts and feelings....
And even here, folk ask us if we are on vacation, are we enjoying it? And we tell them what we are doing, how we are living. Every person has embraced our life, celebrated it, liked the idea of it, and of course inevitably we have met other people living similarly to us.
This morning I chatted for awhile to our neighbours who are also British and have been living in the Caribbean for six months; we chatted about where we were going and about where they might go next....
Yesterday as Anadi and I ran along the beach a crab suddenly skiddadled sideways right under my feet and I had to jump to avoid treading on him!
I looked up the animal totem for a crab crossing my path and this is what it said..
'Time to come out of your shell and stop hiding...
Be yourself...'
'He is reminding you that not all paths lead directly to your personal goals. Sometimes a sideways approach is necessary. Shift your focus to what is all around you because your inner senses are trying to guide you through an easier way.
Crab can also be letting you know that it is important to fuel your curiosity on all levels. Exploration of the world around you leads to discovering new horizons and a vibrant life...'
It all resonated for me and reflected the path I am on; in particular the bit that says 'your inner senses are trying to guide you through an easier way' resonated...
On Saturday as we sat brunching by the sea, I had said to Anadi 'let's do some guided writing'
I have done this practice over the years, I ask for guidance and insight from my higher self, my guides, my inner voice...
The wisdom that emerges is always true, it is simply up to me to follow it - sometimes I have taken up to two years to do this! But it has always proven to be valid!
So on Saturday it / they / my voice said this...
Commit another level to the running path, enjoy it, follow it and you will discover that all vestiges of your struggle pattern evaporate in this leap and it is easier than you imagined...
This morning we ran our six mile loop along to the beach and up over the land of the cactus and the wild horses.
I felt good, the miles of yesterday and last week were not evident from the perspective of tiredness, only from increased endurance
It felt easy, it felt fun, it felt like I was doing what I was born to....
It doesn't matter what we feel drawn to do, it matters we do it, and from my experience in the past, following my running path has opened the door to so may rich experiences and relationships.
And so I am reminded always of a quote that I love:
‘You cannot fear what you were born to do.
Fear makes you vulnerable, fear makes you doubt yourself ‘