I'll See You At The Finish...
I have reached Day 180 of 'Julia's Gone Running'... Nearly half a year has passed since I wrote my first entry...
This is how it began...
'I have been a lifelong runner... I wrote these words years and years ago.
'My dream is to run and run and run. Free from pain , anxiety and stress. To run like the wind, fast and free and whole . I run because running is me...'
I then went on to say....
'I was born on a Tuesday. Tuesday's child is full of Grace - so they say...
I have looked up the meaning of the word Grace in both secular and religious terms and suffice to say it is all good!
And so today being a Tuesday, this Tuesday Child has deemed it a fitting day to give birth to my running blog...
And so here we are, nearly six months later... This coming Tuesday IS my birthday, and so I am a Tuesday child again.... And half way through the day, on my birthday, it will be the exactly half a year since my blog began...
So we have circled nearly half way around our sun together, from the position it was in when I started to write....
Our sun that is millions and millions of miles away, is shining brightly here in Corfu....
So brightly now that our daily swim is becoming a pleasure...!
So brightly that I am conscious that running with intent in it tomorrow is an ask for the body...
One hundred and eighty has a nice ring to it too... I imagine many of us, if we say 100 and 80, might say it in the exuberant style of the score master in a game of darts...
The highest score possible has been achieved...!
It is fun aiming for the highest score possible, in anything in life... As long as we don't assume we are better than others if we reach it, and they don't; or that we are lesser if they do and we don't...
Or have any judgement at all toward ourselves or others. For it is in the stretching, the journeying that we discover ourselves as well as in the endeavour itself...
I had a very vivid dream last night... I was trying to get away from a place where my life was in danger... I knew the situation was grave, and that I had to act with great care, but it wasn't terrified... I was acutely aware however, that there was no one to turn to, that there was no one I could trust, I couldn't 'phone a friend' - I knew I was alone and that I could only trust myself....
It is one of those dreams that stayed with me, and as I reflected I remembered working with Ros my therapist and her saying to me once... 'You can only trust yourself'.... I understood what she meant... We can only clear our own pain and tension, we can only give to ourselves the unconditional love and support we need, because even if another gives it to us, we must open to receive it and then it is within us forever, if we don't then it makes no real difference....
And so we might always find that some others judge us, or disapprove or disagree with what we say or do, or don't understand us... Even if others do offer support, and love, and encourage and understand....
If we don't trust ourselves then we are always vulnerable to the one comment or the one voice of criticism even if there is a multitude of approval....
But from a place of self trust we naturally know who we can trust... In fact we can open more fully to relating and trusting.... And we can enjoy our life not 'worrying' what others might do or say....
The biggest blocks to having fun stretching and striving to be the best that we can be is being afraid of what others think, and looking at what we do in comparison with others...
This can potentially bring either an unhappy feeling of falling short, or a stressful feeling of 'having' to keep ahead...
We must keep in mind that the highest score possible is different for us all, and it is only us who know how we keep our own score...
Because what is success?
It likely holds different meanings for everyone....but in the Oxford English Dictionary it is defined thus...'The accomplishment of an aim or purpose'.
What defines success for me now is, that I am clear, relaxed, present with others and myself, in whatever I am aiming to do, and however high I aim... 'Success' asks that I keep these things at the centre - and have fun!
But what is fun for one might not be fun for another... Racing around a trail race is fun for me, but it certainly might not be for someone else!
This is what it says in the same Dictionary about fun: Enjoyment Amusement Light hearted pleasure... Entertaining
So think of me tomorrow having an enjoyable entertaining amusing light hearted time up and down hill and dale in the terrain that is Kassios Dias...
Later....
We arrived in Kassiopi tonight to collect our numbers as the drummers were parading down the Main Street.... Cheer leaders in blue and white lead the way, the drummers followed, with four fabulous female dancers bringing up the rear....
The energy, the spirit, the sound, the life force was inspiring, the beat coursed through my body and made me dance too..
A woman sitting in bar beside the road, looked at me, put her hand on her heart - and then wiped away tears...
They all looked to be loving what they were doing... Joyous energy...
We met our friends along the way, Nikos standing in his bar, Thanasis sitting outside having a beer... Kostas rode by on his bike and George appeared from 'somewhere' and hugged us both....
At the Limani bar we collected our numbers and sat drinking in the warm evening air, a pink sunset streaking in the sky behind us...
Greg and Jo who we haven't seen since last September joined us, and it was lovely to sit relaxing together, forgetting the reason why we were all gathered...
Until as weade our way back to Barbati, and were saying 'goodbye...'
Jo said.... 'I'll see you all at the finish...'
