In The Mirror Of Relationship...
Anadi and I had just come in from swimming, to eat our breakfast in Lagoon, when Yiannis appeared with his wife Mary...they had been running on the football pitch.
'No running today' he asked.... 'No, just swimming today.. We replied
'Oh, I said, suddenly remembering 'I have written about you in my blog....' I opened my iPad.... 'Did you say I was like the wind', he said looking over my shoulder, scanning my article, and then he saw the sentence that indeed did say that he had run past me like the wind....!
He laughed a lot....
I now have a fruit salad, with Greek yoghurt and honey in front of me, and Denise, who owns Lagoon, has just come over. She asked to see the book jacket design again for 'Girlfriend for a year'.... We had showed her the finished article of Jane and Hannah's design yesterday...
She asked me what the book is about...
I told her that it is essentially about relationship, the ups and downs, the loops and patterns that can occur... I said how I have used Anadi's and my story as a focal point for the explorations, and that ultimately it offers some guidance as to how we can engage consciously in relating with one another, not only our lovers and partners...
She then shared with us some of her own story, which led us on to talking about how fear of being alone and paradoxically fear of being together, are at the core of many relationship issues... The fears stemming from the unresolved hurt in childhood, which has meant that at a deep level, many of us have internalised that intimate relationship is not a safe place to be...
At the core level, fear of loss can inform everything we do...
This can ultimately be associated with a fear of death which means there is an underlying resistance to surrender to love, because of the knowledge that eventually there will be a parting of the ways through death....
And so it is, that even unconsciously, many people fear loss... Loss of the other, or loss of themselves through a belief that annihilation happens within the intimacy....
As children we survive, often by disowning, hiding and losing parts of ourselves to be accepted by our family.
We did this unconsciously, because our childhood was the only one we knew.
For example, we were not aware that we might have internalised that it was safer to keep quiet and not speak out rather than risk being shouted at or shut down... And so we lost the part that could speak out and say what we need or want....
But, we all want to be whole...
And if we are whole we cannot be lost...
The more whole we are, the more possible it is to fully love, because we can never lose ourselves.. We can merge with another, when we are fully connected to ourselves and in fact it is the only position we can do this from...
From a place of wholeness, we will not be distracted by anything that is a chimera and keeps us attached to the myth of who we think we are, rather than the truth of who we are ....
All the attachments we have to things and possessions, to any definitions we might have of ourself, through our careers, our sports or hobbies are in fact anything that keep us separate from listening to our inner voice ...
When we know ourselves, and have reclaimed all parts of ourself, we can enjoy all these things far more and fully embrace our life...
The paradox is that it is in the mirror of relationship with one another, that we can see and uncover our hurts, and access the lost and hidden parts of ourselves...
To have a good relationship with ourself, and become whole enough to ultimately live and love fully, we need to be relating consciously at all times... And committed to learning our own lessons not worrying about those of the other....
Quite a journey... But fun, and bringing us ultimately to what we all yearn for; true love, of self and others...
And this is what 'Girlfriend for a year' is about!
Later....
I am in Dwight's bar, Calypso with a long glass in front of me, the contents look suspiciously like 'long island tea' but this time are iced lemon tea...
They two drinks look exactly the same...!
The sun is shining on Corfu town across the water and the hills are dappled with the shadows of another day coming to a close...
Earlier Jane and I were working here together and claps of thunder echoed around the hills, the rain clouds rolled in obliterating Corfu town from site....
Each clap of thunder took the internet down and in a matter of seconds nature demonstrated her immense power and we recognised that in the face if her will the only resource open to us, was to adapt, and respond and recognise that we do not truly know what might happen from one second to the next....
'Dwight was racing around bringing his cushions in from a potential downfall and re setting the router each time it was rendered Internet less in the face of the storm...
'This weather is driving me crazy'
He laughed...
