Freedom, Like Love And Joy Are Already Ours...
The mountains are so huge, so powerful, they are all around us and there is seems no end to the pathways and tracks around their beautiful frames... We could run all day and never find our way back... As I write that I am reminded of when that DID happen in Morocco, two years ago!
Anadi and I spent twelve hours lost in the mountains, until we eventually flagged down a young man on a moped who was phut phutting alone up the trail - he 'phoned a friend' (once he had established we had some money!) who appeared twenty minutes later driving furiously up the sandy, rocky, dark by now, track to our rescue!
The time passes so quickly in the mountains too; so easy to run a mile and another and another... My spirit feels that running all day would be a nice way to live; when I am there. With the trees, the dusty tracks, the bright blue sky and the hot, hot sun beating down...
But body says 'No.. please give me water, please take me home now, lie me down, feed me, recover me and I will continue to be willing to set your spirit free...'
But of course my spirit is already free, and I am free... 'Who is this 'I' anyway?' spirit asks? 'We are all one...'
Freedom, like love and joy are already ours, they are here, now... But to experience this state at all times we must work to let go of the outdated scripts and patterns which can lock us in the hurts of the past, the times we hid parts of ourself away for fear of rejection...
Once we see this it is the first step to letting go... The 'letting go' can happen in the next moment...
Our 'stuff', accumulated from the unresolved hurts of the past, can get re imprinted by going round in circles with the same patterns...
But it takes a moment to actually 'let it go'. Seeing it, 'noticing', is the first step and then the preparing to be willing to let go and face the space, the new space, the unfamiliar... Change, transformation!
Travelling as we do, as 'freedom prenuers', allows for more letting go as there is nothing familiar to hold onto; and I am with a man who is of the same orientation. He wants to be conscious and know himself more than anything else; more than he wants my love... And I am the same. Which paradoxically allows us to be far closer...
I spent much of my life in a dichotomy as I knew that I had the capacity for intimacy and sharing; but freedom was always more important to me....
I would rather the feeling of yearning in my heart for a lover when I was single than the feeling of being trapped when in a relationship.
And yet I knew we are all in relationship all the time... And that both states pointed an arrow to my own pain, the place where I had not let go, where I was not free...!
But the more I let go, the more I enjoyed my relationship with men, and by the time I met Anadi I was ready to learn to truly love by learning to let go....
I was glancing through Anthony De Mello's book 'The way to love' yesterday afternoon. I reached a page that spoke to me and I read it out to Anadi as I felt it would resonate for him too..
'Maybe now you are ready to say 'I'd rather have my freedom than your love' Anthony De Mello then asks whether we can say these words to a person... 'I leave you free to be yourself, to think your thoughts, to indulge your taste, follow your inclinations, behave in any way that you decide is to your liking...'
He goes on to say that if your heart resists these words 'you are exposed as the clinger and exploiter that you are...' Or your heart will pronounce these words sincerely and all of the control, manipulation, exploitation, possessiveness and jealousy will drop....'
Either way, it is the way to true love, unconditional love, which is born out of self love...
