Letting Go...
I am sitting in a cafe in Orgiva, it is a town ten miles down the mountain from Bubion... It is a hot, hot, hot day, the car was saying it was 39 degrees as we journeyed down... Is that inside the car or outside? We were not sure!
We arrived and found the town to be like a ghost one, everything shuttered up and the streets silent... We parked and stepped out into the scorching sun and made our way down an empty street to the cafe we had enjoyed last year... Closed, everything closed on Friday afternoon...
Undeterred we drove back to the very edge of the town, where we found two cafes and people hanging out...
It is a town known for its retreats, and this is evident by many of the clientele in lovely flowy bright cotton and silk clothes, men with pony tails and beards... The woman sitting at a table near us, smiled at me when she looked up from her book, the title; 'True Refuge finding Peace and Freedom in your own awakened heart'...
I ordered it and it's now waiting for me on my kindle... I have a habit of doing this with books, one click makes it very easy!
I must confess to having many such purchases waiting for me to take a look at, but the moment was there, it felt not to be missed - maybe there is something for me in this book...
Letting go of my books, was the part of shedding everything when Anadi and I decided we would be nomads, that I believed I would find the most difficult, but when it came to it, as it was a complete clear out rather than a cull it actually proved easy...
Although there were four books that I loved and in the end gave to Athena Jane for safe keeping.... Two big tomes on Tantra and two healing books 'Hands of Light' and 'Light Emerging' by Barbara Brennan...
I wonder what my attachment was to them?
It doesn't feel to be there now... Athena Jane, the books are yours to do with what you wish...!
It is always interesting to notice where our attachments are, for it is the attachment to things that prevents us enjoying them to the same degree, as when we know that everything is transitory...
This doesn't mean not having possessions, and appreciating and enjoying them fully. There are so many beautiful creations to enjoy on this planet, and enjoy them we shall... It's simply becoming curious as to what the attachment to anything we might acquire, points to within us...
If we have something that we cannot let go of, then there is 'work to be done...'
I remember years ago - over thirty - when I was running my gym in Bath, one of the members arriving to exercise, in a degree of despair.... His car had been stolen and in it his computer with all of the work he had done on his PhD - and he had no back up...
I remember us talking about it, at the top of the stairs by the rebounders with the plants on the shelf beside us; it's etched as a moment in time where I watched someone deal with loss and let go... It was a big one, and I learnt a lot from him, because within his disappointment was acceptance and a new energy emerging; a way forward when all seemed lost...
As we ran down the mountain today having climbed up to 1750 meters, right up to Tojas del Angel, a high point, overlooking the three villages, Pampaneira, Bubion and Capileira, surrounded by vast stretches of mountains...
I said to Anadi about how there is something going on for me around letting go... This 'illness' that I am managing with anti histamines feels a space of surrender too...
I feel quite stripped bare, free of any plans, free of any hopes...
My lifetime paradox was very clear to me as we ran side by side today...
'My natural expression is to be a fast runner, but the thing that has held me back, created tension, made my career a rising and falling one has been my desire to be a runner...'
This is the most important thing that I am shedding as I journey
The desire to be a runner and instead to just run..
