I Choose Life
Anadi and I received a kind but firm 'ticking off' from his Dad for our intrepid mountain run minus map last Sunday...
He told us a cautionary tale, about when he was walking over the Lake District. He had stopped to ascertain his bearings on map and compass, and was sitting on a rock drinking coffee... He and his doggie companion, Bimbo in those days, (Laddie now) got up to continue on their epic walk...
The mists suddenly swirled in and they could see only a few feet in front of them, but due to his navigational skills Clive was fully confident of which direction to go...
An hour later he was off the moorland and on the road, having picked up five lost souls along the way...
He told us he donates to the MRT 'mountain rescue team', but he never wants to be in need of calling them out....
Anadi's Dad, Clive, then went in to encourage us to keep adventuring, but cautioned us to make sure we always come back...
We were duly warned and understood the wisdom of his words...
And so today I faced death alone... With no phone, no compass, no map...
I have never run with a phone, having been a solo runner since I was fifteen years old, covering miles and miles on moorland, forestland, trails and tracks all over the world.
I have often got lost, but seen that as part of the adventure...
I do remember feeling somewhat panicked when I couldn't find my hotel the night before the Caan marathon. I had gone for a twenty minute 'leg loosener' after travelling, and ended up running for an hour trying to find my way back...!
I was not taking the Marathon that seriously, as it was a year since I had 'let up' after my international career, and I had been 'keeping fit' on teenty to thirty miles a week... One of my old running agents had called up asking if I could still run under three hours, and if so would I be part of a group he was taking to Caan... I had gone out for a fifteen mile threshold run and a twenty two mile long easy run and decided that 'yes, I thought it likely I still could...' It was 1995 and the Marathon was part of the fifty year D Day celebrations....
Despite the unusually long pre race run, the night before, and the 28 degrees heat, I just managed a 2.59....
Mostly running on memory! I had gone through half way in 85 minutes with ease, and then the year of not training had reared its head....
That feels another lifetime now, when my 'off form' would be amazing 'top form' now...!
It reminds me it's all about the journey... This is said so often, but it is... It's about what our potential is now, not what is was or what it might be, it's what can we do now... And it can be fun seeing if we can improve on that...
I would live in permanent pain if I was trying to run the times I used to run...
But I enjoy allowing the nineteen year old me, who firmly believes she can still run as fast as then, her voice... She asks 'whatever is the matter with you...? Come on get a move on'... And the me now indulges her and says 'okay let's see' and this is the fun of it...
Seeing what might be, but enjoying now....
And so it is the 'seeing what might be' me that keeps me training with commitment, the me that when Anadi says at breakfast... 'Beautiful... do you mind if I don't come today, I feel I need the rest...' Says 'of course not, I like running on my own anyway and I am going to explore that new loop and see how far it is', rather than 'Oh yes, I'll rest too, what's for breakfast...?!'
I know that 'in the diary' in September, I have a half marathon and a twenty mile race 'booked in', and I would like to line up as prepared as possible....
And so I set off, not feeling that brilliant in truth, not sure if it was the allergy (my new found hay fever in these mountains), or I was still in need of recovery from Sunday or the heat, that is getting hotter here by the day...
Anyway... I was going to experiment to see if the run to the stream, could link up with our Sunday run, because we had seen a sign to Pitres and so reckoned this was the case...
Which it was... It turned out to be a ten mile loop.... Perfect...
I took it very easy up the hill from home, and even when it eased, I took it slower than usual and walked a bit too...
Once I had reached where the path flattens, I felt better and ran all the way down to the stream with ease, turned left and started my ascent to the mountain path near Tojas del angel....
It was very steep... How to describe the steepness? The photos don't really show it...
I was sweating a lot... 'Am I sweating more than usual?' I wondered... I kept drinking...
The sun beat down. I was walking not even that fast, my HR was 155... Very steep!
The climb went on and on...
'I love this', I thought 'I love walking uphill for ever' it was a meditation. So alone, so still, so rocky and steep...
I came through a gully and all of a sudden felt a wave of vulnerability wash over me... It passed through and it flashed into my mind that no one would find me here if I was in trouble, not for a long time anyway....
But the thought passed through...
I came to a very steep patch and my heart rate climbed and I started to feel dizzy, 'I'm not okay' I thought.... I sat down on a rock and my heart continued to beat in the high 150's and I couldn't get my breath in...
Panic rose through my body, but I stilled it and said out loud 'please help me' and then I breathed out and started to sing the Gayatri mantra....
As I sang I started to feel better, I drank more water, ate a shot blok and I watched my heart recover and the dizzy ness subsided... I waited until it was 120 beats a minute rather than 157... And then slowly slowly made my way to the summit....
It was only 100 metres away, but every exersion saw my heart rate rising quickly... I snail paced my way and once I had reached the top I knew I was likely to see another human soon... if I needed one!
I walked for half a mile until my heart was saying 109 and then ran the four miles home feeling totally okay....
In the moment that my body was giving up, I knew I wanted to live...
I chose life rather than pushing on to collapse alone on a hidden mountain path!
It was good to see I want to live; in the window where death presents itself, that I choose life.
And as we do have mobile phone nowadays, I will from now on carry a phone on lone runs....
