On The Edge Of A Strange New Land
Anadi came for a run with me today...
I had a plan to take him on my loop and show him all the sights of San Pedro...
Along the beach we ran to my grassy lap with the tartan strip, through the tall houses and over the golf course....
And then instead of my loop... We did many loops, as I got lost!
Loop the loop we looped, 'isn't this the road we have just run along...?'
We had set off later in the day, it was sunny sunny hot, glad we had taken water, and in our lost loops, we found ourselves on the golf course with golfers... Who didn't want us there!
My last visits, I have been earlier and had the course all to me, except for the green keepers...
'You cannot run here...' A lady said to us a little severely...
We stopped in our tracks, we were on the the little road that runs all through for the buggies... She softened and smiled, 'it is very dangerous on a golf course' she continued...
We retraced our steps and found our way back home to a wonderful breakfast of fresh pineapple, water melon, grapes...Blood oranges and white melon, looking out over the sea, talking and relaxing, Anadi 
recovering from his bout of bronchitis... Me just recovering...!
I have had a day of catching up with myself...
We have spent most of it in a cafe that I used to frequent when I was here twelve years ago...
It was one of a few that stays open in the winter months.
I enjoy working in cafes alone for days on end, as I did when I was here writing 'Running to learn' in 2003..
I recognise that this hermit aspect of me is not being fully listened too just now... But I re assure her and let her know that Anadi and I are still in a transition from what we knew to what is to come... And that we do not know exactly what that will look like...
I tell her that she will have her requests met, and she will have her time, just be patient for now...
If we connect to all the archetypes within us and discover what we feel they might be, then if one aspect is not being given its arena, we can address it over time, without reacting and upsetting the process of any transition....
Life has many transitions, and it is recognising when we are mid one! This way we can execute it with more grace and confidence...
I know I have mentioned this before... But when Anadi and I first set off on our adventure to 'pastures new' I went for a session with Ros, my supervisor and therapist of many years...
We talked about Anadi and I taking the leap to the new life, which we were going to 'make up' as we went along... And she gave me this piece of writing that helped me then, and continues to help me - as we are still mid flight - now...
'…Every kind of gap is a space between certainty and bewilderment... We are on the edge of a strange new land, and we don't know its ways or its language.,……………..
This tension is captured perfectly in the image of the trapeze artist, who has to let go of one bar to risk the flight through the air before coming within reach of the other bar. But the point of the exercise is really about how the trapeze artist handles the gap. What takes the crowd's breath away is the grace and confidence with which he flies through the air and that open question, every time; once he has let go of one bar, will he really reach the second bar safely? (The Other Side of Chaos……Margaret Silf 2011)
I am in a gap - Anadi and I are both in the gap; there is a gap between certainty and bewilderment.
We made a choice to leap, and there is never a moments doubt about having leapt...
Sometimes though we are tired, bronchitis is associated with exhaustion and I can feel my being is tired on a level, and eternally energised on another...
We recognise that we are living in a way that most would find terrifying...
No home, no pension plan, no savings...
But it is not fear we feel, just a recognition of being on the edge of a strange new land, where we do not know the language or the terrain and we know that we must keep taking the next step and the next and trust the way is revealing itself and that the bar is within reach!
