Julia's Gone Running - Day Nine

My Saturn Is Returning

My run in the park came early...

Rather than my predicted Sunday outing, I woke to a morning that was bright and light and clear... And I wanted to run outdoors.

I stretched and stretched while Anadi chatted to his Dad about 'plans' of meeting up with him and Anadi's Gran later today - they had a long chat, so I had a good stretch!

A cup of coffee and off we went...

We ran for five minutes along Broadwalk and down a hill into the grassy expanse of Groveland Park.

It was a mild and clear and crisp day, but warm enough to still be running in shorts. 'I do love autumn weather... for a short while anyway...' Anadi laughed...

We reached a duck pond and circled it twice - 'this would be great for intervals' I said...

I have an inbuilt tendency to view expanses of parkland and obvious loops and laps as possible 'venues' for interval training!

It took five minutes running easily to circle it... Perfect... Although I am imagining that I will not be ready for intervals during the time we are here... Next time!

Anadi and i ran together for twenty minutes, my body felt good and well warmed up, it felt open and willing to run some more....

I wanted to run alone on the grass, and so with the pond like the sun, and Anadi and I the planets we circled it on different orbits...

I ran closer to the sun/pond, circling it more times and Anadi like Saturn did big loops and came back past the pond twice...

Next year, I will have been on the planet for fifty six years, and so my Saturn is returning... This possibly explains many things about my life right now....!

My Achilles injury has given me so many gifts.

The pause was much needed and as I ran today, I was aware that my body feels more aligned and stronger and flowing than for many months...

With all the changes to my life since meeting Anadi, my regular daily conditioning and stretching slipped away - thank goodness for Matt Shore whose personal training work helped me so much - but my own regular sessions and regular treatments disappeared...

I also left my own running path and joined another one with Anadi on it too...

We have shared wonderful experiences and conversation as we have run side by side and I have gained so much in the sharing.

But being sidelined by achilles has given me time for reflection and the space to see myself and my own running path stretching before me again. I have realised how much I have missed my solitary runs...

I am an athlete that in the past has run up to 90 miles a week, week in and week out, alone...

I have also run with others of course; and very deep relationships have occurred on the running path, ones which I treasure and will always honour and appreciate as fellow travellers sharing part of the journey...

But running alone is a different experience entirely. A true mediation on the move and a centring in my own body and a freedom from it too; the running becoming and taking me, no mind involved, no inner dialogue, just freedom from within.

I am naturally a developer of people and I am also naturally in 'second position' when with others...

Some of this is no doubt childhood conditioning/issues!!! And some is my essence... However it means that saying what I need and want can still feel uncomfortable as it is part of my disowned self. I was the rebel in my young days and always did in the end do what was right for me, whether that be dropping out of something or doing something not recommended... But it came at the price of disapproval...!

For me the achilles process has been profound as it has meant I have spoken out to Anadi about my need to reclaim my running, to run alone again, to be free and solitary and join together on the running path sometimes rather than always...

For Anadi this is no process :) he just said 'Of course that's okay, I understand that...'!

I met with not a shred of disapproval or reactvity....

My pattern has been to please the man, please the man, whether he asked for it or not!!

And then to suddenly 'rise up' and want my freedom and my own ways again!

And then often - confusingly for the man - leave at that point rather than risk facing any disapproval or conflict.

Today as I ran, I felt joyous; I ran for half an hour alone on the grass. I broke the run up into two minutes of focusing on my form and running action and running with more intention, not pace; and then a very gentle jog for a minute - I did this ten times and then ran to meet Anadi at the sun/duck pond!

I felt so joyous.

I said to Anadi

'I am doing what I want in a relationship!'

I have swerved between wanting freedom, being alone, feeling the peace of the single life, with the type of freedom that brings...

But also loving relationship and deep intimacy and so of course inevitably moving towards committed relationship again... Until I felt trapped and left!