Today Julia's Not Gone Running
Today Julia's not gone running!
Today Julia has done nothing at all, not even stretch a muscle!
The day started with a Skype session with a client and the 'plan' was to go for a walk with Anadi in the park around the pond and then go for something to eat...
But by the time I had finished working, at around 11.30 we were both hungry and the thought of searching for an all day breakfast became very appealing...
As we drove through the wet streets of London, I was chatting to Anadi about the absolute knowing within me that I must build up and not break down in my return to running, with the understanding that this is a new paradigm, that I can do things completely differently than at any other time.
Another layer of the onion skin has peeked off in the rest time while injured...
This is an exciting and interesting place for me to be...
Many of my 'habits' and disciplines have sustained me and been for my growth; and as each year has passed, a deeper connection to my true self and the running expression from that place has been revealed...
But it is the aspects that break me and that have kept me locked into a pattern of 'making' and then 'breaking' that is the one I am investigating...
For a lifetime so far!
But then clearing and healing takes as long as it takes... There is no rush, we have all the time in the world; because there is no time, there is only now and the attention to letting go in every single moment...
Running has always been an arrow to all that is needing attention within me, and all that is unresolved and where I am held in outdated patterns and ways of being.
As I don my training shoes again after Achilles has asked that I stop for awhile, I am mindful that a vast vista of possibility lies ahead, uncharted territory and the opportunity to do things completely differently than ever before...
Training optimally and to a high level is a fascinating journey at all times, whether returning from injury or preparing for an event, there is a fine line to walk along... or run along.
Too little training, too little extending in the training and we fall short of our possible potential.
Too much training and there is the risk of injury, illness and just plain old over training syndrome, where the best performances are left on the training ground and never realised...
One of the things that excites me about running, is that this fine line is also a window to our deepest self...
How we 'are' shows up in the experiences right in front of us, on the running path for me, and within my race experiences...
So why ever would I run and train when I know my body needs to rest?
Maybe in the very early days I was not aware enough of the pitfalls of that one interval session too many, or the extra run to 'make up the miles'...
But when a pattern repeats itself enough times, and when we can see it there in front of us, why would we need to go to round this cycle again?... Unless it is to support something deeper in our unconscious that we have not yet resolved or even seen...
I can remember when I was nineteen years old one of my friends at the running club, we called him PW, looking at me wryly and saying 'You'll be a great coach someday Star, because you make so many F**king mistakes...'
He was right - I did become a very good coach and I did make a lot of mistakes!!
But for the most I learnt from them and I changed them...and taught other people...
All except the one where I still run when I know I shouldn't...
My cycle over the years has been one of, on some occasions, and at very key points... training when I absolutely know with every fibre that I should not...
Every fibre that is, except for the thread that is still attached to the cycle of sabotage and struggle...
Every fibre except the thread that still believes that I am not free, and that I somehow must earn my place here, the thread that denies my truest self and denies that love and freedom and conscious living is all there is.
And so today as we zoomed through the wet streets and found a parking space right outside Miracles cafe, serving the most delicious food, and an all day breakfast.
Anadi and I continued to explore and talk about how we can live out the miracle of creation from a conscious place.
We talked about expressing freedom and truth through our body and our mind; rather than 'thinking' we are our body and our mind.
We had the most delicious breakfast and I commented that I am aware that by writing down each day in my running journal and being transparent, by sharing with everyone who joins me on the page in reading about my journey, I cannot hide from anyone, especially myself.
Building up rather than breaking down in my training, and on my running path, is a bigger expression that just being wise in my training plans.
It is seeking to heal the thread that stays attached to struggle and looking after others above myself.
It is knowing and acknowledging the truth of the statement that says...
'To the degree you do not take care of your self, to that very degree, you will caretake others and 
support their images of their inability to take care of themselves'
It is healing the thread that needs healing
'Healer heal thyself '
It is always remembering that Jesus said...
'Love others as yourself '
He did not say more than yourself - and so the key is to clear all parts of ourselves that are stuck in patterns that indicate we don't love ourself and so don't fully look after ourself...
Running therefore is more than running, running is the expression of me in motion and the secret is to truly surrender to this and let the running take me where is will and then the deeper healing will occur of itself...
I had a delicious breakfast with my beautiful Anadi and rested my body because I know in my deepest place this was the training needed for today...
