'Man Proposes, God Disposes...'
We were on our to have some lunch today and passed by the stadium... There is an 'Olympic Day' going on, and so many sports are in action wherever we turn.
An event was just finishing on the track, all ages... Male and female runners were appearing and running the last 300 metres to the finish gantry....
Anadi and I were walking and talking, just noticing the runners competing, as a backdrop..
A young boy appeared on the track, around twelve years old I would guess...
He was tired and dispirited; he kept looking at three other runners - all about his age - ahead of him round the bend, as he was making his way up the back straight - and his spirit sagged further...
He stopped running briefly and walked a few dejected steps; and my heart lurched...
He got going again, stopped again, glanced across the grass looking as if he might 'throw in the towel', and walk back across the green stretch to the finish... But he kept going and crossed the line....
Behind him other competitors started to appear, a spritely looking young lad of a similar age, running into the home straight in relaxed and buoyant fashion. He was racing a middle aged woman, and then an older man appeared....
As we left the stadium we saw others coming up the road...
'Wow, that boy touched my own pain...' I said to Anadi...
I had felt briefly tearful seeing his despair, and it accessed in me my old feelings of never measuring up, no performance being good enough... The harsh critic so vocal within me....
My race on Saturday demonstrated to me that I am free of this; but today also released some more of that old pain buried deep that I hadn't realised still lurked...!
The pain that stopped me truly enjoying the thing I feel I am born to do...
My journey back to speed, to exposing myself to competition, particularly as I am drawn to my first love - the track - feels a journey of expression and running free of all the old pressures from the past...
Stretching for the stars, going for gold, but without the feeling of not measuring up, not good enough, could do better...!
Liberation...
Anadi and I have a plan...
My 'shopping spree' at Gatwick airport entailed buying a 'Go Pro' camera...
Anadi's imedialibrary platform hosts videos and he has also created an athlete management system...
Year two of my blog begins on Wednesday, and so the plan is this...
Once a week I will make a film using the Go Pro on my head, of my training session; and Anadi will interview me...
And each day I will load up my training data for all to see... If anyone wants to look in of course!
Saturday was the Go Pro's virgin run... It was great fun...
I am enjoying the rhythm of my days...
It is so easy to train here, with everything nearby... And with good internet working with people is very easy too... My therapy room on the balcony in the sun...
I keep saying - to anyone who cares to listen - that I am not going to work much, but clearly my inner voice and energetic field has other ideas, as people continue to seek me out and ask me to work with them...
My new friend Sue Ellam the creator of the wonderful site 'Soulfully connecting', which I write an article for each week, said this to me over the weekend when I was sharing with her about how people find me...
‘Man proposes, God disposes’ as they say! We often have an idea on how things are going to pan out, but it rarely happens that way. If you have a gift with people and can help them, I very much doubt that you will be able to get away from that. In reality, you would probably miss it given a period of time'.
I think she is right...
As long as I look after myself - first the needs of the healer - I reckon I can do it all! :)
Later...
Anadi and I padded off in the dark for a two mile warm up before an outdoor gym session...
My second training session for the day, Anadi's first...
It's nice training when it's cooler' he commented... 'Yes cooler, but still wearing vest and shorts at 8pm'...I laughed!
