Fun, Relaxation, Trust...
I am back from another 'shopping spree', I bought a new pair of running shoes, bright blue and beautiful in their 'ready to run' newness... And three pictures of me racing in my third Club la Santa 5k...
Three photos cost 9 euros, so I said not to worry about the euro change, and the photographer, who is from Scotland, said that my euro would go in the 'cat jar'...
'Food for the white cat and the black cat' he said... 'The jar gets very full...'
I know the black cat, (not yet seen the white) he is in the same spot every day, and so I especially go the route to the gym, that means I pass him, to have a chat - I 'meow', he always responds - and a stroke...
'He stays in the spot always', the Scottish photographer continued, 'because he was attacked by a "bull cat", a huge beast, twice the size of a normal cat, with a head like a bull dog'...
He went on to say how the black cat was torn open, and had to be taken to the vet... When he returned, his fur grew back white in the place of the attack, and he never leaves that spot, becuse he knows he won't be attacked with humans around...
I felt glad to have contributed a euro to the cat jar!
I ran my third 5k in two weeks and shaved some more time off, just dipping under 22 minutes - 21.59 by my timing!
Today was a much windier day, but I felt stronger, which balanced things out...
The pace felt more flowing, and despite having to work hard into the wind, I have been left with the memory of strength and a willingness in my body... It feels like it is a child that had fun, and wants to go out again, to play some more...
I wasn't really and truly left with that feeling the last two times...
It just felt flat out!
I like the feeling of play... The feeling of flow.
The main reason I am embracing this challenge to see how fast i can run 5000 metres again, is to find out how to truly 'meditate on the move'. when i have a goal out there...
How to have fun stretching and striving, and staying in the step, still, present without any attachment to the an outcome...
All other areas of my life I experience this... My work with people, my writing, my life with Anadi, all have a flow which feels like fun, relaxation, trust...
If is the same now that Zoe and I are making plans to let more people know about Girlfriend for a year; everything feels fun and flowing, no attachment to what happens... Instead an engaging of Zoe's skills, and an offering of my writing...
But I am aware that the area where tension can still arise, where any unresolvedness can emerge, is in the 'pressure' of the running race...
And so this is why I have set off on this journey...
To free myself completely from any hidden stress, and 'not measuring up' stories...
I know if I just 'go running', this tension never arises... I know I can show up at races not having properly prepared and I feel no fear...
Paradoxically it is once I 'decide to go for a goal', that I discover whether I am still adhering to any old outdated stories, whether there is tension still to be released, to enable me to truly fly free....
And so I am journeying to the world masters championships in Perth to discover this place again, this place that I knew when I was very young, before I took up the mantle of 'could do better'...!
