Movement Towards A Place I Do Not Know..
Sometimes Anadi's and my leap into the unknown, into our nomadic lifestyle is like dying, like an unstoppable movement towards a place I do not know...
My friend Pat observed this when we were to-ing and fro-ing to Eastbourne last year.
We would go away for a few weeks to a new land - and then come back - because I was still working there; she noticed changes in me each time I returned; she said, 'it looks like a near death experience each time - it seems that you head towards the light and then you get pulled back here again...'
I knew I was in a transition and that Anadi and I were creating the conditions for us to be free.
This is how my friend Jeanette Kishori describes it, 'there is nothing to be done, the conditions need to be set and then the thing happens of itself...'
I was still happy in Eastbourne at a human level, but every so often I would have been having a 
perfectly lovely morning, and then unbidden, a voice from within me would say
'What are we doing here, why are we still here...'?
Following my inner voice has always been something that I have done, but it is not always easy, and if you had said to me two years ago that I would have completely transformed my life - well, I would likely have believed you - but I hadn't a plan then, nor would i have projected that what has happened, would happen...
Today I came back from another Thai massage with my same masseuse - Boc is her name ...she asked that I go even further today ... In just one day my body is ready for more; she took yesterday's stretches to new levels - and she brought in some new ones...
At the end we put our hands together in the namaste position, bowed to one other and said ' Thank you'
'Tomorrow? again..? She smiled - I nodded and smiled too... 'Yes - I'll be here tomorrow'
My body loved it, although my hamstrings did resist the stretch - I believe that psychospiritually they are to do with fear of leaping, fear of surrendering... but as I am leaping, and I am surrendering, then I might as well let go in my body, in the back of my legs!
I think Boc is the person to help me...
And when I returned from my treatment, and was together with Anadi again - suddenly some unexpected tears came...
'What is it beautiful'?
'I don't know, I miss being able to go and see my sister and I miss my friends, run with them, have coffee with them, I miss my friends' I cried...
'But I don't want to stop or go backwards - I can't; I know I must keep going and trusting.
It is like I am dying, and I have to keep going, I cannot stop this process - and I must keep letting go...
As Jeanette says, it is a death of the old, of the memory, it is a new way being born...
The tears passed and I have felt clear and at ease since...
My friends are there as I am...
There is nowhere to go
We are all here always in all ways
Anadi and I have become gym bunnies, we were there again, with a German couple who we exercised with yesterday
T
oday we spent an hour there, we got up earlier especially...!
X training is balancing me, together with my Thai massage, I am feeling more confident that my body wants to extend; and achilles is liking having more time to heal to another level, while my cardiovascular system is liking working harder and for longer...
And I have a feeling of limitless possibility
that there is no rush
That I have all the time in the world..
It is now 9.30 in the evening and Anadi and I are going out to dinner.
We are going to shower first as just being in this climate means we sweat...
It seems...
All the time!
Later....
We are now home again after a delicious Thai meal.
I love the taste and the feeling in my body of Thai food...
And we were taught many more phrases by our friend Laan; he even sat down at our table, so as to be there to emphasise our repeating the phrases until our pronunciation was perfect!
He also encouraged us to return, assuring us that we would not get teaching like this in the next door restauran...!
